


The Scariest Part of a Halloween Party: Commitment

by ICarryDeathOnMyWings



Series: The Domestic Adventures of the Bittle-Zimmermanns [2]
Category: Check Please! (Webcomic)
Genre: F/M, Fluff, Halloween Costumes, Holster and Ransom sing Agony, It's a wedding, Jack says y'all, M/M, everyone gets drunk, halloween party, jack officiates, jack takes pictures, making out in closets, no one else knows, plot? maybe?, shitty and lardo get married
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-09
Updated: 2020-05-09
Packaged: 2021-03-02 19:02:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,904
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24081769
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ICarryDeathOnMyWings/pseuds/ICarryDeathOnMyWings
Summary: Lardo and Shitty have a Halloween party, shenanigans and a wedding ensue.Or, Lardo and Shitty plan their wedding but don't tell anyone about it so everyone thinks it's just a Halloween party.Part of a series but can be read as a stand alone
Relationships: Adam "Holster" Birkholtz/Justin "Ransom" Oluransi, Chris "Chowder" Chow/Caitlin Farmer, Derek "Nursey" Nurse/William "Dex" Poindexter, Eric "Bitty" Bittle/Jack Zimmermann, Larissa "Lardo" Duan/Shitty Knight
Series: The Domestic Adventures of the Bittle-Zimmermanns [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1707754
Comments: 8
Kudos: 86





	The Scariest Part of a Halloween Party: Commitment

**Author's Note:**

> Second installment of my series. I had lots of help from multiple discords on this. And a HUGE shout out to my best friend Sophia who helped me come up with this series and also beta reads my fics ^^

Lardo and Shitty had sent an invite to a Halloween party in the beginning of September, which was a lot of planning time for them. It was a picture of an invite that the two of them had made in what looked like PowerPoint of all things.

Everyone responded over the next few days though Jack’s response was grumpy because ‘I always dress up. You have met Bittle’. It was most difficult for Chowder and Farmer to get to Boston since they moved back to California after graduation. Chowder had been recruited to play for the Sharks out of college and the pair already had two kids which meant a sitter was a must, though they could probably just ask Chowder’s parents. Everyone else had stayed pretty local, within a few hours of Boston and no one beside Caitlin and Chowder had children. Yet.

The day after everyone had confirmed that they were going to be there, Shitty called Jack, “Jack, my love. Light of my life, superior hockey Go-“

“Shits, what do you need?” Jack didn’t sound upset, just exasperated. Shitty was quiet for a moment, “Coffee? After practice?”

“Practice just finished, I guess I could meet you-“

“Great! I’m right outside. See you in ten.”

Of fucking course Shitty was outside. Jack took his time packing his things, just to fuck with his friend a bit. Tater walked over and clapped Jack on the shoulder, “Why Zimboni taking so long? Taking longer than usual, yes?”

Jack looked up at Tater, “Shitty is waiting for me. Showed up unannounced if you can believe it.”

“да, I can,” Tater nodded wisely. Jack smiled, “I’m just trying to be a pain in his ass but I should probably get going now. I’ll see y’all tomorrow.”

Tater grinned, “Zimboni been with Little B too long, says things no Canadian ever say.”

Jack laughed as he left the locker room, his duffel slung over his shoulder. As promised, Shitty was in the parking lot. He was leaning against the hood of his car, waiting for Jack and waving to the Falconers as they got into their cars and left. He grinned, “Well, hello there platonic love of my life,” He pushed off the car and jumped into Jack’s arms. Jack had been expecting it and caught him easily, “Hey, Shits.” Even though Shitty’s unexpected appearance was just a little annoying, Jack absolutely loved to see his best friend, “Why’re you here?” Jack asked as he pulled away and tossed his duffel bag into the back seat before climbing into the passenger side. Shitty got in as well and started driving.

“Ah, well… Lards and I have a… pretty big favor to ask of you,” He glanced over at Jack when they came to a stop at a light. Shitty was oddly nervous and it was putting Jack on edge. 

“Shits, Lardo is giving us her eggs so we can have a baby. There’s almost nothing I wouldn’t do for the two of you.”

Shitty nodded a little bit, “We’re going to get married.”

Jack grinned, “No shit! Really? I’m so-“ “Not so fast, Jack. Yeah, we’re getting married but we don’t want people to know we’re getting married. Neither of us wants it to be this big deal so we were wondering if you would officiate?”

“I’ll get ordained today.” Jack smiled at Shitty. He was so happy for his friend but he didn’t understand why Shitty was so nervous. Getting married was nerve-wracking, sure, but it shouldn't be this difficult to tell people. “That’s great and we appreciate that but we want it to be a secret, brah. Like, just the three of us know. It’s gonna be at the party. You know, the Halloween one?” Jack nodded along with what Shitty was saying. It was so them that he was surprised he hadn’t realized this was their plan sooner, “I won’t tell a soul. Not even Bitty.” Shitty sighed gratefully, “I know it won’t be easy keeping it from him but we really appreciate it.” Jack had meant it when he said there wasn’t much he wouldn’t do for them and if he had to omit the truth a little to Bitty, then so be it. 

As promised, Jack had gone home that night and taken the steps to get ordained. Bitty had asked why he was doing it but he had brushed it off with the wonderfully vague response of, “Just in case.” Bitty seemed to be okay enough with the answer. 

As Halloween approached, Jack started dreading asking Bitty if he would be okay with forging the couple's costumes that year. Jack wanted to go as a priest (it was Shitty’s idea, Jack thought it was funny), and he thought maybe Bitty could figure out something to wear that matched but he didn’t want him to feel obligated. They had been dressing in matching costumes since the first Halloween they were out, so, he was shocked when Bitty had just agreed, no convincing necessary, “Oh! That’s fine. I want to do something different this year. I was going to tell you that you can do whatever you want.” Bitty had then helped Jack get everything he needed for the costume together (because making your own is way more fun than buying at the store). Bitty refused to tell Jack what he was going to be wearing until the night of the party which was quickly approaching. 

The night of the party arrived and Jack got dressed before sitting on the bed and waiting for Bitty to come out of the bathroom, “Close your eyes, sweetpea!” Bitty called out. Jack obediently closed his eyes, listening for the swinging of the door as it opened and the padding of Bitty’s bare feet as he walked over to stand in front of Jack, “Open.”

Jack did and the moment his eyes landed on Bitty his mouth went dry. He was wearing that bunny costume, the one from junior year before they had come out. Bitty was a fucking _puck bunny_. “It still fits!” He said proudly, doing a little spin for Jack so he could see the tail and the way the costume hugged his ass just so. “Bits-“ It was a strangled sound, “Bits, I remember this costume and I can definitely see more of your ass now.”

Bitty grinned, throwing a smile over his shoulder and shaking his ass a little, “Why, Mr. Bittle-Zimmermann are you saying my ass is bigger?” This was it, this was how Jack died and he would be okay with it. He nodded, reaching out to grab Bitty by the hips but he nimbly moved away, “Ah-ah, we have a party to go to. Keep the touching for later,” He winked before heading out to the front hall to grab his shoes. At least Jack got to watch him walk away.

There was a sign on the door to Shitty and Lardo’s apartment that said ‘ENTER IF YOU DARE FUCKERS’. Jack snorted and pushed inside, immediately greeted by orange strobe lights and fake cobwebs. Shitty and Lardo had pushed all the furniture out of the middle of the room, making the space open enough for dancing, save for the beer pong table they had set up in the corner. They were the first ones there, so Shitty and Lardo were spread out on the couch. Lardo was wearing one of Shitty’s old brown blazers that they had bedazzled, it looked pretty normal from the front but on the back was a giant sparkly penis, a button-up shirt that had chunky rainbow stripes, a mid-nineties tie that Jack couldn’t even begin to describe, all topped off with the worst pair of plaid pants that anyone had probably ever seen. Shitty, on the other hand, was wearing an 80s style dress with poofy shoulders and unnecessary beading everywhere. He even had a birdcage veil on. Bitty laughed, “You two look great!” He grinned as he walked in, multiple pies in hand.

Lardo pushed herself up off the couch and wrapped them in a hug, “Bitty, is that the same costume?”

“Absolutely.” He nodded, “I’m just gonna put these pies down. Shitty you look beautiful,” He hummed before wandering to the kitchen. Shitty got up and the three started whispering softly about the plan. The ceremony would be held later in the evening after everyone had had a few drinks and were loose enough to not question what was going on. Jack had brought his camera, so he would be taking pictures as the night progressed.

Bitty walked back in, “What are y’all talking about?” He asked with a smile. Lardo turned towards him, “Oh, just the process of having my eggs taken out of my body, you know.” They moved to the couch and started talking. Lardo and Shitty had already been milking a bottle of beer but had gotten one for Bitty since Jack said he wasn’t going to drink.

Slowly everyone started arriving. Ransom and Holster were first in similar but varying costumes. They were wearing leather pants and pirate style shirts with puffy sleeves, “We’re the princes from _Into the Woods_!” Holster said excitedly as he walked into the room. Ransom snorted, “I just wanted to wear leather pants.” He hugged Lardo and Shitty before going straight to the kitchen to get drinks, “Oh shit, Bitty! You made pie!” Ransom exclaimed. Bitty chuckled, “What do you boys take me for? Of course, I made pie!”

Next were Nursey and Dex. Dex was wearing a lobster costume with his arms crossed and his ears and face as bright red as his costume (because he was blushing and not because Nursey had also made him paint his face). Nursey looked stunning; Jack had to admit. He was wearing what looked like an olive-green curtain in a toga style that was held together by a golden belt. He was positively dripping in gold. From the gladiator-style sandals he wore that went to his knees, to the bracelets and arm cuffs wrapped around his biceps. Even the make up he wore, which was gold eyeliner and lipstick, all topped off with golden leaves pressed into his curls. Dex was grumbling, “Can you believe this bull shit? Look at him dressed like fucking _that_ and then he makes me dress like a god damn lobster!”

“What are you even supposed to be?” Lardo asked.

“Wood nymph,” Nursey nodded a little bit as he walked into the apartment with a smirk on his lips. Nursey and Dex were together now but hadn’t realized that they were in love until a year after they had graduated. The two had texted every day, called and skyped whenever they could. They hadn’t been in a relationship when Dex said, “Holy shit… I think I love you.” To which Nursey responded, “Chill.” And they promptly got into an argument about how that was not an appropriate response to someone confessing their feelings.

Now they were just waiting on Caitlin and Chowder. They were coming right from the airport and staying with Lardo and Shitty for the few days they were there. Since the season was starting they were lucky to get time off at all. While they were waiting they all sat around and sipped their beer and talked about what life was like now. Bitty and Jack didn’t mention the baby, but Nursey and Dex mentioned a possible engagement in the future (“It’ll be a long engagement.” “Bro, chill, they don’t need to know that”). It was comforting to be with people they loved so much.

About an hour later Chowder burst through the door with a cardboard box around his middle held up with suspenders. Jack was pretty sure it was supposed to be a shark but it was so poorly done there was no way to be sure. His kids must have made it but then… how did they get it on the plane? Best not to ask. Caitlin, however, was wearing an actual shark costume. They grinned at everyone and the party got started. Shitty hopped up off the couch and shouted, “TUB JUICE TIIIIIIIME!” Before darting off to the bathroom and coming back with cups full of liquid that he passed around to everyone but Jack. Lardo got up and turned on her phone that was hooked to the speakers before cranking it all the way up, “Let’s fucking party!” She screamed over it.

All hell broke loose after that. It was only people they knew, and Jack felt comfortable so he and Bitty danced together, well… more like Bitty ground up against Jack to the rhythm to a pop song Jack didn’t recognize. It was driving him insane. They broke apart so Bitty could bounce around the room as Jack took pictures of everyone dancing together, laughing and drinking. They were almost two hours in and Bitty had had a bit to drink on top of losing to Lardo at beer pong (everyone lost to Lardo at beer pong). 

Every once in a while Jack would find himself with an armful of Bittle, which he never once complained about, especially right then. Bitty was currently plastered chest to chest against Jack, “Hey, hey,” He tugged Jack down and giggled in his ear, “Sweetpea, honey, do you wanna go into their hallway closet and-“ He wiggled his eyebrows at Jack instead of finishing his sentence. Jack didn’t even bother responding with words. He grabbed Bitty’s wrist and brought him to the hallway closet where the two slid inside. They were all hands and teeth and desperation even though they knew they weren’t going to be able to get off in this tiny closet where Jack barely fit.

After a few minutes Bitty had pulled away, his cheeks flushed from both alcohol and arousal, “Never thought I’d enjoy being back in the closet so much!” He laughed, putting a hand on Jack’s chest, “We need to head back out. I want more to drink!” He tugged Jack down again and nipped his bottom lip instead of kissing him before waltzing out. Fuck, he was trying to kill Jack, who dutifully followed his husband out. Almost right away the closet was taken over by Nursey and Dex who were bickering softly about who knows what. Jack thought he heard Nursery say, “You better not mess my makeup up. I don’t care how good those lips of yours are.” Jack snorted, even together they weren’t any different than they had been in college.

Lardo wandered up to Jack after Bitty had gone to get a glass of water, “When Nursey and Dex come out-“ She chuckled to herself, “When they get back out we should do it,” She looked up at him seriously. Jack nodded his ascent, “Of course.”

It turned out to be about ten minutes. When the two left the closet Dex’s cheeks were flushed and Nursey had a smirk on his face that was different than most of his other smirks. His cheeks were flushed too and his hair messed up where it wasn’t before. He wandered over to Shitty and Lardo who were leaning against the wall opposite the beer pong table. It looked like the three were just talking, or at least it would have to everyone else but Jack had started the ceremony. It wasn’t long or fancy, in fact most everything was cut out. He could see Bitty looking over at them, he even pulled his phone out and took a picture, which Jack was grateful for because while he had been taking pictures of everyone all night long he couldn’t take a picture of himself officiating their ceremony.

“Byr-“ “Don’t you fucking dare.” Shitty narrowed his eyes at Jack but there was no malice behind it. Jack laughed, “Sorry, I had to,” Jack was starting to get crow’s feet around the corners of his eyes, “By request of the couple we’re going to keep this short, eh? I have never met two people more deserving of happiness than you.” He looked between them, “It’s an honor that you two have trusted me with this and on that note- Lardo, do you take Shitty to be your life partner?” Lardo and Shitty were facing Jack, but were slightly turned so that they could look up at each other. They were holding hands, though only one, and had their backs towards everyone else which meant Jack could see everyone moving around the apartment. No one seemed to be paying attention.

“Chyeah, I do.” She was looking up at Shitty, her eyes sparkling. Shitty was holding eye contact with her, he was actually crying, having always been the more sensitive of the two of them. Jack smiled softly, “And Shitty, do you take Lardo to be your life partner?”

“Of fucking course. Since the moment I first met you,” He confirmed. Lardo blushed just a little, “You’re a fucking sap,” She muttered but she was grinning.

Jack picked up the camera that was looped around his neck, “Then, by the power given to me by some website I found the day Shitty told me you were going to do this, I pronounce you married. Shits, kiss your groom.” He chirped. Shitty grinned, “With fucking pleasure.” When he leaned down, Jack made sure to be taking plenty of pictures. The two weren’t big on PDA, in fact, Jack didn’t think he had ever seen them kiss before. It was short and sweet and Lardo lifted the hand that wasn’t still gripping Shitty’s to wipe away his tears, “Join me in the make-out closet, husband?” She murmured quietly.

“Keep calling me that and you can take me anywhere you want,” He was already tugging her towards the hallway.

Jack continued to take pictures, dance, and talk with his friends as the night progressed. He watched as Shitty and Lardo left the closet to be replaced by Chowder and Caitlin. Chowder had long since discarded his box shark because he realized he couldn’t put his arms down or sit, and so had gotten exhausted in no time at all, “Some NHL goalie you are,” Jack had chirped when Chowder told him why he was taking it off, “Can’t stay on your feet at a party, how can you do it on the ice?” Chowder laughed, “Jack, I distinctly remember blocking most of your shots on my goal- and that was still easier than wearing that-“ he poked at the box with his foot before disappearing to find Caitlin again.

The music was blaring, drinks were flowing and everyone was having a great time. Holster, without warning, ran over to Lardo’s phone and turned off the music that was playing as Ransom started singing. It was ‘Agony’ from _Into the Woods_ , the song the princes they were dressed up as, sang. Everyone knew it since Holster had made them all watch it at one point in college. Bitty had enjoyed it more than he would ever admit to and had watched it a few more times since. However, at that exact moment, Holster had jumped on the couch and Ransom the chair, “AGONY!” They belted, Ransom ripped open his shirt and Holster followed suit. Jack was taking pictures, everyone was watching them and laughing. Chowder was clapping along even though the song didn’t need it.

They ran around the room, acting out what was happening to the best of their ability. When it came to splashing of water, Holster ran over to Dex who was holding a cup of tub juice and though both he and Ransom were singing, “Agony, misery, woe!” It was Holster that knocked the cup out of Dex’s hand to make the liquid go everywhere. Dex yelped, “Now I’m feeling agony!” He complained, looking over at Nursery who shrugged a shoulder as he took a sip from his cup.

At the end of the song the two had run all over the apartment, jumped on every piece of furniture there was and sang as loudly as they could while still somehow managing to sound pretty good. It ended with them looking at each other and gently singing, “I must have her to wife.” They were breathing heavy and looking at each other in _that way_. Jack knew the look, he was convinced it was the same used to look at Bitty. Jack was never sure where the two of them stood with each other. They lived together, did pretty much anything and everything as a package deal. He was pretty sure that at one point he had heard them say that they were life partners, together until death do them part but without the labels. They had even dated other people but in the end, it was always just the two of them in the house they had gotten together. They were obviously in love, it just looked different for them. At the end of the song, everyone was clapping loudly, whistling, and cheering for the two of them. Jack took a picture of them right as they were dropping their hands and making their way towards the hallway that had the makeout closet.

Shitty laughed loudly, “Those beautiful fuckers!” He shouts before turning the music on and cranking it all the way up. Everyone jumped back into dancing, like they had before Ransom and Holster had started their routine. 

When the two of them left the closet their hair was messed up like Nursey’s, and Jack assumed his own, had been. He chuckles, taking a picture as Holster leans over to kiss Ransom’s cheek. By then it was already creeping past one and they had been steadily drinking since eight (a little earlier for some people) and almost everyone was so drunk they could hardly stand. Bitty walked over to Jack, his eyes welling with tears. Jack was worried for all of two seconds before Bitty was wailing, “They’ve hardly played any Beyoncé!”

Jack knew then that they had reached their limit. He scooped Bitty up in his arms, “Alright, bud, time for bed,” He said. Bitty kicked his legs a bit, “Jack! No! I wan’ party!” He gently beat his fists against Jack’s back but even so his eyes were falling closed. The plan was to bring Bitty to the guest room and get him tucked in the bed before helping with clean up since it looked like things were starting to calm down. He set Bitty on the bed and he immediately curled up, “Hm, m’be not such a bad idea.” He confirmed. Jack chuckled and got him under the blankets, “Get some sleep, I’ll be in soon,” He kissed his temple before leaving. There were two guest rooms, Farmer and Chowder were making their way towards the other one, stumbling and giggling softly as they did. No one was going to be able to leave but it looked like Dex had already stripped out of his costume and was situating himself on the couch- no, on top of Nursey who was already laying on the couch. One of Nursey’s arms wrapped around Dex protectively, his eyes already closed. Jack smiled and took a picture.

He noticed that at some point the music got turned off and the lights switched from the orange strobes to regular overhead. Must’ve been when he was helping Bitty into bed. Lardo was leaning against the counter with a solo cup filled with water, Jack wasn’t sure where Ransom, Holster or Shitty were, but he walked over to Lardo and smiled gently, “Some party, huh?” She turned to look up at him, “Thanks for everything, Jack.” She wrapped her arms around him and gave a quick squeeze before pulling away, “I’m gonna go sleep for a year.” She patted his chest before disappearing down the hall. He heard the door click shut before following her direction so he could cuddle with Bittle for a few hours before everyone woke up and started puking.

Over the next few days, Lardo and Shitty had everyone send every photo they had taken at the party, even the really bad ones. They didn’t tell anyone why they wanted them, just that they needed to send them or else they’d be hunted down and tortured with naked cuddles from Shitty (which Shitty insisted was not actually torture). Jack sent them a flash drive of all the pictures he took, which was quite a bit. Not all of them were good but Lardo had told him not to touch anything up because that wasn’t the point. He agreed, even if everything and everyone was just a little too orange.

It was the topic of the group chat for the following weeks, people asking if they remembered doing this or that. Of course, Jack remembered almost all of it so he was stuck being a mediator, ‘Nursey, Dex did not spill that drink on himself. Holster did it.’ ‘I did? You sure it wasn’t Ransom?’ ‘Positive, I have the pictures to prove it’. Jack found he didn’t mind, it was funny to let them bicker, only to find, in some cases, neither were right. 

They started planning another get together not long before Christmas. Chowder and Farmer wouldn’t be able to make it but everyone else could. It wasn’t going to be anything wild, just dinner and a couple drinks and maybe some gift exchanging. Lardo and Shitty were cooking when everyone started trickling in. Bitty placed himself in Jack’s lap on the couch so that there was more room for everyone else when they arrived. It didn’t take long and soon the whole apartment was full of the sounds of people laughing and talking. Holster had put his feet up on the coffee table, where there was a photo album that none of them had seen before. It was black but had ‘Our Wedding’ written across the front and it was obvious that Lardo had designed the cover herself, “Yo, what’s this?” Nursey asked as he leaned forward to pick it up, “This is a joke right? When did you two get married?”

Lardo stuck her head out from the kitchen and gasped, “Bro, you were _there._ ” Everyone blinked and Bitty looked over at Lardo incredulously, “You aren’t- you two didn’t-“ Jack shifted a little and Bitty immediately looked at him but as he was about to say something, Nursey opened the album. It was full of all the pictures from the Halloween party, starting from when they got there to the end, when everyone was too drunk to be taking good pictures. Jack couldn’t help his laugh when he saw the one of Bitty crying in his arms, he wasn’t sure who had taken it but it had been when Bitty was upset about Beyoncé. There were a few that were… out of place. Like the ones of couples making out in the closet. At least they were sort of flattering? He wasn’t sure how else to describe them, “Lards?” He asked, “Who took these ones?” He pointed to the one of Nursey and Dex. She frowned, “I… have no idea. We didn’t print those.” She wiped her hands well before flipping through to the one of her and Shitty. She slid it out, carefully looking it over. Eventually, she flipped it to the backside and scrawled on it was ‘Congratulations on the plot development. -J’

Everyone was silently unsettled for a good couple moments before Bitty hopped up and leveled Lardo with a glare, “Was that your wedding? Did y’all get married at that party?” Everyone was looking expectantly at her but it was Shitty who answered, “Chyeah we did. Didn’t want to make a big deal outta it, m’dudes.” Everyone started shouting. Some were congratulating them, others (namely Bitty) were yelling about being out of the loop. “Wait!” A voice cut through the crowd. It was Dex, “How did you get married? The only people at the party were us, so who married you?” They all looked around the room at each other. But of course it was Bitty who connected the dots first, he knew Jack better than any of them, “Jack,” He narrowed his eyes.

Jack was tense, eyes darting around the room, “I’m sorry! They asked me not to say anything and I-“

“You’ve known?!” Everyone shouted at the same time, “You fucking knew and you didn’t tell me!? _Me_!” That was Bitty. Jack looked sheepish, “I’m sorry Bits.” “Is this why you got ordained?” “Well, what else would I be getting ordained for?” “I can’t believe you!” Everyone was talking loudly over each other. 

Bitty did, after calming down, pull them both in tight hugs, whispering about how over the moon he was for them and threatening them with so much pie. Once everyone else had seen Bitty pulling them in a hug, they got up and practically dog-piled on top of them. Jack stood off to the side for a moment, taking a picture of them all squished together before Shitty held a hand out to him, “Get over here, _Father Jack.”_

Jack laughed loudly, head tilting back, “Never call me that again, Shits.” “What about Daddy?” He wiggled his eyebrows suggestively. “That’s worse!” Jack shouted as he grabbed Shitty’s hand, allowing the other to pull him into the group hug. “I can’t believe you two are fucking married!” Ransom shouted, tears gathering in his eyes, “They grow up so fast.”

**Author's Note:**

> This was so much fun ahhhh. I hope y'all like reading it as much as I liked writing it and if you do leave a kudos and comment. If you see any mistakes or think I should add tags let me know!


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